I'm an LGBTQ+ ally' — and other things people say before the cringe

An Ask Jake Classic with some new thoughts

Hi Jake,

I’m self-employed and recently took a job as a personal assistant to a woman who works in the entertainment industry. It’s been about four months and she and I have developed a good working relationship, although sometimes she can be a little much.

For the most part, she treats me with respect, and claims to be very liberal/open-minded and an LGBTQ+ ally. I think she believes this, but there have been a few times now where she’s made off-handed comments that I’m not sure how to take.

For instance, she likes to refer to herself as a “f*g hag” and doesn’t seem to know that the phrase went out of fashion a while ago. She’s also said that she “doesn’t get” the whole “they/them” pronouns thing and she’s made passé jokes about bisexuals not being “real.” But what bothers me most is when she calls me “princess”. She literally sometimes introduces me to other people as, “This is my assistant. He’s my little princess.”

I think she thinks it’s a term of endearment, but I don’t think she would refer to me that way if I weren’t gay. I also don’t know how to address it with her since she’s my boss and it’s just me and her. There’s no HR department to go to. I would like to keep this job, but I also don’t want to constantly feel uncomfortable when she tries to be an “ally.”

The Princess Diaries

Dear The Princess Diaries,