It's not politically correct to say Masc4Masc. I don't care.
Is it really so bad to say I like manly guys?
Hi Jake,
So, I have a type, and I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m supposed to apologize for it.
I’ve always been attracted to conventionally masculine men. Beards, body hair, muscles, gym bros, daddies, deep voices—the whole package. I like guys who look and act like guys. That’s what turns me on. It’s not something I chose, and it’s not something I’ve been able to talk myself out of.
Back in the day, I could be pretty upfront about that on my app profiles. “Masc4Masc.” And no, I never meant it as an insult to anyone. It wasn’t “Masc4Masc because everyone else is inferior.” It was simply shorthand for what I was looking for.
But somewhere along the line, that phrase became radioactive. Suddenly, having preferences was supposedly internalized homophobia or misogyny or some other character flaw. So I took it down and tried to be less specific.
Here’s the thing, though. I’ve had more than a few experiences lately where the person who showed up wasn’t exactly who I thought I was talking to. For me, chemistry matters. Attraction matters. If a guy has a noticeably feminine affect or energy, it just doesn’t do it for me sexually. I have plenty of friends like that. I love them, too. I just don’t want to sleep with them.
I’m over pretending otherwise.
Straight people don’t apologize for having types, and gay men openly celebrate twinks, bears, jocks, otters, daddies, and leather guys. Yet somehow saying, “I’m into masculine men” has become taboo.
Am I really a horrible person for wanting to be honest about what turns me on? Or are there plenty of guys out there who feel the same way but are just afraid of being dragged for saying it out loud?
Maybe it’s time to reclaim Masc4Masc.
Masc Appeal
Dear Masc Appeal,
First off, no, you’re not a horrible person because you’re attracted to conventionally masculine men.
Turn-ons are often specific, mysterious, and largely outside our control. Most of us don’t sit down with a clipboard and consciously decide what should turn us on. We discover it. As you noted, some people swoon for bears, while others go weak for twinks, leather daddies, rugby players, or guys with accents. Attraction is deeply personal, and you’re under no obligation to sleep with anyone who doesn’t do it for you.
What got “Masc4Masc” into trouble wasn’t the “masc” part. It was the history attached to it.
For many people, that phrase came to symbolize a broader rejection of femininity within gay male culture. Fairly or unfairly, “Masc4Masc” became associated with profiles that also declared “No fats, no femmes,” “straight-acting only,” or otherwise treated feminine men and certain body types as punchlines. And to be fair, some guys using the phrase really did mean it that way.
That’s why the phrase itself became so loaded. Not because everyone suddenly decided masculine men aren’t attractive, but because many guys had painful experiences feeling dismissed, mocked, or told they weren’t “real men” by their own community.
At the same time, I think we’ve swung too far when we shame people for their tastes. Attraction isn’t a diversity initiative. Nobody earns points for forcing themselves to be sexually interested in people they aren’t interested in.
There’s a world of difference between saying, “I love masculine energy” and saying, “Feminine guys are a turnoff.” One celebrates what you love; the other can sound like you’re putting someone else down.
So should you reclaim Masc4Masc? Honestly, I don’t know that the phrase itself is worth rescuing. Language evolves, and some terms carry baggage that may never completely disappear.
Fortunately, you don’t need a slogan to communicate your type. “Love a rugged guy with gym-bro energy” gets the point across without the loaded associations. The difference isn’t really the words. It’s whether you’re describing what excites you or making others feel excluded.
But should you reclaim your right to be honest about your attractions? Absolutely. Like what you like. Fantasize about what turns you on. Date the men who make your heart race.
And for the record, feminine men are still men. The guy who loves musical theater, speaks with his hands, and has impeccable skin deserves to feel every bit as proud of himself as the sweaty gym bro with the beard and baritone voice.
Neither one is more or less of a man.
If there’s something on your mind, send it to jake@askjaketherapy.com
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